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The first man I ever loved did not love me back. He was a blue-eyed, finger-snapping parking attendant with wavy hair he was forever combing. Every Friday night, when my family gathered in front of the television to watch 77 Sunset Strip, I fantasized about our future nuptials.
I was nine.
Things might have worked out for actor Ed Kookie Byrnes (who died at 87 in 2020) and me if only he’d bothered to answer at least one of my love letters. But then I saw the movie Gigi.
Oh, that handsome Louis Jourdan! He was rich! Spoke French! And his tuxedo was much fancier than Kookie’s windbreaker. But, alas, Monsieur Jourdan also turned out to be a negligent pen pal.
Did I learn anything from these early amours?
Oui. I practiced romance in my head and pretend kisses in the mirror. Kookie and Louis and their imaginary compliments made me feel like maybe my looks weren’t hopeless. I ended up taking high school French and I always carry a comb. Crushes have their uses. No matter how young or old you may be.
Is there anyone who watched Bridgerton’s first season who didn’t end up crushing on British actor Rege-Jean Page as that hubba-hubba Duke of Hastings? Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought, If only Timothee Chalamet were 30 years older … Chalamet plays Bob Dylan in the film A Complete Unknown, released Christmas Day of last year.
For me, it’s also all about Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds. Maybe I just have a thing for men named Ryan but my heart swoons over that Gosling charisma and that mischievous Reynolds humor. I’m sure that neither my husband Randy — or Blake Lively — feel threatened when I sigh over Blake’s own spouse Ryan Reynolds. Nobody minds if I dreamt of dancing with Gosling in the 2016 film La La Land..
I once asked Randy if he had any secret celebrity crushes.
“Secret — as in secret?” he said.
“You can tell me. I’m your wife.”
“No crushes. None,” he said, in his most loving voice. “I only think about you, sweetheart.”
But we both know when he goes into his Diana Rigg trance.
“Parasocial relationships are the relationships that people have with media figures, whether they’re actors, celebrity influencers or television characters,” says host Kim I. Mills on her podcast “Speaking of Psychology." “They can help us expand our worldview and have positive effects on our mental health and well-being.”
Parasocial relationship is the fancy psychological name for crushes. I’m sticking with the simple word “crush." I still remember the 1970s TV commercial with a woman sinking into a bubble bath saying, “Calgon, take me away,” My mother would always respond, “Burt Reynolds, take me away.”
Our celebrity crushes can be little daydreams, mini-escapes, risk-free excursions to help us through the stresses of life, all while sparing us the complexities of real-life relationships — assuming you avoid a restraining order. Crushes can even help clarify what kind of partner might make you happy. Leonardo DiCaprio or Brad Pitt? Denzel Washington or Tom Hanks? Laverne or Shirley?
In 1986, my friend Michele saw the movie The Fly and promptly fell in love with Jeff Goldblum. Thirty-four years later, at age 65, she went through a messy breakup with a longtime beau. “I was done with men,” she says. “Done. Done. Done.” She replaced the boyfriend with a pillow imprinted with Goldblum’s face on her bed.
Two years later she fell in love with Tom — who happens to look like Goldblum. “That’s why I was drawn to his online photo. Tom’s artistic, bakes bread, plays piano and has the same intelligent eyes. And doesn’t mind that I sometimes sleep with my Jeff Goldblum pillow between my legs” — adding with a smile — “for orthopedic reasons, of course.”
I worked with a woman who told her now-husband that she'd only marry him with the understanding that if she ever had the opportunity to sleep with Robert DeNiro, she would go for it. That was 20 years ago. She’s yet to meet DeNiro to arrange that tryst, but it still makes her happy to know … maybe someday.
Then again, it might be better to not meet a crush live and in person. The reality might not live up to the fantasy. I learned this as a kid, when I was at a Cubs baseball game in Chicago’s Wrigley Field, and spotted Milton Berle. What luck! Uncle Miltie! He was in my favorite ever funny movie, It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.
Borrowing my dad’s beer napkin and a pen, I mustered up some courage, crawled over a row of fans’ knees, and headed off to say hello.
“Uncle Miltie! Uncle Miltie!” I said, thrusting out the beer napkin. “Can I please have your autograph?!” I was beyond excited until he turned, glared at me, and said: “Beat it, little girl.”
Wow — maybe not all stars were as friendly as they seemed on TV and in the movies. That sure hurt — but not so much that I swore off crushes forever.
The other day I missed a bus by two minutes and was majorly annoyed.
I paused. Took a deep breath. Then, I checked in with my imagination, and …
Ryan Reynolds said to me, “Linda, can you use a hug?”
“Yes. Ryan,” I said.
“Can you use two hugs?” Ryan Gosling said.
“Yes, Ryan,” I said.
After my hugs, I happily waited for the next bus.
Photo credits (from left): Fred Duval/Shutterstock; John Nacion/Variety via Getty Images; Michael Blackshire/Getty Images; Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/Getty Images
So fess up. Who's YOUR celebrity crush? Let us know in the comments below.
