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Oh, Valentine’s Day! Here you come again, shining your pink spotlight on our relationship status. So I'll 'fess up: I’ve spent A LOT of Valentine’s Days blissfully unpartnered over the span of 60 years. If you are by yourself this February 14th (or any day of the year!), here are some foolproof tips for a tranquil and satisfying holiday, solo or surrounded by your loves.
First, step back and assess your condition dispassionately. There are many upsides to the solo life — you can do what you want, when you want, with who you want. Your behavior is driven by motivation and attitude, two of the few things we control in this world. Take a deep breath, and list three wonderful aspects of being alone. We eat what we want! Sprawl across the entire bed! Binge trash TV without defending our intellect.
Second, pick up the phone and ask someone you love to come for dinner. It can be for romance, an old work colleague or just a bestie. Lots of people would love to celebrate Valentine’s Day without pressure to be passionate. Reach out to others — and to your inner self.
Speaking of your inner self, my favorite unorthodox option is to treat V-Day as an opportunity to get to know YOU better. It’s an opportunity to focus more deeply on your happiness. Your pleasure. Forget about a smoking-hot February 14th date.
Take a hot bath with candles and fragrant oils, and dream about whatever makes you feel sensual and alive. Watch a mushy movie with attractive actors, and fantasize about future loves. I know that many of us, myself included, tend to be a little embarrassed about pleasuring ourselves beyond our fantasies. But dare to think "physical."
One aspect of getting older that most people don’t know is that for many women, sexual pleasure improves as we mature. Kinsey Institute data on 3,001 women over age 60 shows that female orgasms can get more intense with age, and 74 percent of women surveyed say their orgasms are as good or better than ever.
We feel more comfortable in our bodies because we know them so well. We communicate better with partners, are more patient with our gratification, and expand our definition of “sex” to include activities that don’t require intercourse.
No partner? No problem. Self-gratification — on Valentine’s Day or any day of the year — has many advantages, particularly for older women. The Kinsey Institute survey found that 36.2 percent of menopausal women reported that masturbation improved their symptoms, alleviating mood swings, sleep disturbances, irritability, anxiety, depression, vaginal dryness and headaches. Pleasuring yourself is a risk-free option with little downside.
If it’s been a while since you touched yourself or used a vibrator, maybe that should be your Valentine's Day gift to yourself. My first orgasm came years after I lost my virginity. No men were involved. (A good thing, since they knew even less about my body than I did.) One rainy day, I locked myself in the bathroom of a charming old farmhouse in the countryside outside Paris. I spent two hours in the bathtub, on the bidet and on the bathroom rug determined to make myself climax.
When my first Big O finally happened, it was like Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls: the earth moved. Waves of warmth and explosive pleasure. I was delighted. Then I panicked: what if it never happened again? So I spent another 30 minutes on my second successful orgasm. Let’s just say, I’ve now mastered the art of self-love, and it’s led to many unforgettable explosions, with and without partners.
The first question to ponder is do you crave internal stimulation, or external, or both. Honestly, after I got divorced, what I wanted most was that feeling of fullness, of being loved on the inside. I ordered my first bullet vibrator. I started using it the day it landed on my doorstep and never looked back.
Too timid to shop in person? You can easily order a vibrator online at various prices, from ones as tiny as lipsticks to large wands and replicas of ample male organs. For lubrication, my best recommendation is coconut oil, which you can get at any grocery store. It smells good and is not toxic to your body.
Light some candles. Get naked. Slip into your sexiest, comfiest attire. Lie down on your bed, couch or a soft blanket on the floor … any place that makes you feel safe. Start with breathing. Breathe in through your mouth, and exhale deeply through your vagina, relaxing all your muscles. Imagine the most sensual, kind, attentive partner ever by your side. Then start exploring.
Be patient, because we older ladies need to take our time enjoying pleasure. When you take responsibility for your own joy, you can love yourself, and others, even more completely. Cupid is on our side.
What do YOU plan to do on Valentine's Day? Let us know in the comments below.
Marine Buffard
Follow Article Topics: Relationships
