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After 25 years of marriage ended in divorce, I reluctantly re-entered the dating world at age 50. After much reflection, I realized what went wrong in my marriage, including growing apart because we failed to nurture our relationship. I vowed not to repeat that mistake in any future relationships.
I tried online and speed dating events before I found my mate in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous! Our first date was a ride on his motorcycle, and a decade later, we are still together. Neither of us wants to marry again, though this is the real thing — a healthy and committed relationship.
AA encourages emotionally vulnerable discourse in the meetings, and participants get to know each other on a very deep level. After all, people attend AA meetings because they want to transform their lives, lives that can feel like they are falling apart. That type of open communication leads to fulfilling connections outside of AA’s rooms, as it did for my partner and me.
Love happens when people are in the right place at the right time, joined by common needs and hobbies that can lead to attraction. I got to know many couples who met during social activities sponsored by my Road Runners Club of America running group and later married. I trained for a marathon with this group and experienced the joy of watching people ride well beyond the club into solid relationships.
Finding those relationships that can turn into long-term love also happens spontaneously at places of worship, library lectures, book signings and lifelong learning classes. You sign up because the topic or speaker evokes a strong interest, as do other like-minded participants. Strong interests can turn into strong passions! So, if finding the next love of your life is a priority, sign up and show up at any event that sparks your interest, and you never know what can happen!
Washington, D.C. matchmaker Michelle Jacoby, 58, has many friends who met their partners playing pickleball, a game popular with retired adults. She has even hosted some singles pickleball events. “In fact, two of my friends ended up getting married on the very court they met on,” says Jacoby.
She counsels her clients to look beyond initial impressions for the “gooey center” of potential mates. Think about what you value most in a partner, which likely has changed over the years, especially after a divorce. In my youth, I sought excitement over contentedness. Now, my partner remains attractive to me because he is reliable, seeks continued growth and we have many shared interests, including working with people in recovery who need help. He taught me how to have fun without alcohol. We enjoy live music, good food and travel.
Do not discount the value of simply keeping yourself open and friendly as you go about your daily activities. Love found Jenny Sharp, 58, of Parksville, Canada, without her looking for it. She met her third husband when they were neighbors in the same building. Their relationship started with conversations in their building’s common areas and eventually bloomed into love. Sharp considers herself a winner in the third-time-is-a-charm category!
Jo-Anne Ross, 69, of Comox, Canada, also reconnected with an old flame from her teen years at a party of friends from their high school years. When Ross was 14, she had met John at a party and thought, “I am going to marry him.” They dated a bit in their high school years but then lost touch with one another.
She never forgot him, though. The reunion got the couple talking again and rekindled the sparks she felt so acutely decades ago. Then, 20 years ago, her high school crush became Ross’ next husband.
My partner had been alone for 13 years following a failed marriage. He was reluctant to get involved in another relationship and I, too, was ambivalent. We both agree that we will continue to live apart in separate homes, though do spend the majority of our time together.
So from these stories and my own, consider these tested later-life dating takeaways: Determine what is most important for you in a partner. Join groups, clubs and attend events where you will find people who share your values and passions. Wherever you go, be awake to possibility! Your next mate could be the person engaging with you in a pleasant conversation in a grocery aisle. You never know when a brief flirtation could turn into forever.
This new year is a prime time to find new love. First, take time to nail down what you need and want that was not there for you in your past relationships. Above all, do not settle. I would rather be uncoupled than be with someone who does not enhance my life. Above all, honor and love yourself. Remember that the longest relationship any of us will have will be with ourselves.
Have any of you found love later in life? Let us know in the comments below.
Melanie Lambrick
Follow Article Topics: Relationships
