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As the daughter of a 99-year-old mom who has downsized her home three times in the past 20 years, I know the last thing she wants during the holiday season is another tchotchke. Her closet is filled with the colorful clothes she favors, so that, too, is a no-go. Whenever I ask what she would like for a gift, her only answer is, "Time with you and the rest of the family."
So, what holiday gifts can we get for older moms when many have already let go of so many things and have little interest in acquiring new ones? Several I've tested out have been a big hit with my mom, such as a t-shirt to match one of mine that she admired. It says More Music, More Laughter, More Dreaming, More Dancing, More Love.
Another was an album I put together with pictures from her 90th birthday so she could reminisce about the loved ones who came together for that milestone. And she still enjoys the big, bright blue watch I got her years ago because she loves to keep track of time.
Then, I got more ideas by talking with folks who work with older adults. Dr. Melissa Batchelor is a professor and program director at the George Washington University School of Nursing and hosts the podcast This is Getting Old.
Kellie Baker is a hospital case manager for older adults and a former executive director of assisted living and skilled nursing facilities.
Batchelor encourages family members to consider what their mom can comfortably participate in physically and cognitively. I also suggest planning ahead with experiential gifts. If you take a mom who usually can walk on her own to a museum or zoo, find out in advance whether they have wheelchairs available in case she tires out.
Here are some ideas that will allow you to skip the clothes, flowers and chocolates this holiday season and give your mom something more imaginative and memorable.
Experiential Gifts
If you live near your mother, Batchelor suggested taking her to a painting or pottery workshop to share the experience and the memory. If you're not nearby, give her a gift certificate to go with a friend. Or, maybe she would be up for taking an art class with you. There are listings for ongoing classes in local newspapers and through your county's recreation department.
Another option is a family vacation when the grandkids can join. For outdoor adventure lovers, and if you have a sturdy mom, there is a trend promoting intergenerational camping known as Gramping.
Baker advises thinking about something that would make your mother experience “wow moments — what is something on your mom's bucket list that she hasn't done or would like to do?" Ask her about a secret place she yearns to go, an unmet dream. She might long to visit a museum she hasn’t been to for decades, attend a popular theater or music production or go on a long boat ride.
Handmade Gifts
Baker's mom just turned 80. "She seems to have everything under the sun, so I look for things that are unique, that she can't get elsewhere," Baker said. She often finds those items on websites that feature handmade gifts that can be customized. Another idea for the jewelry-loving mom could be a necklace with dangly monogrammed charms of grandchildren.
Gifts That Bring Mom's Community to Her
Another type of photo album could be one that includes notes from family members on what they find so special about mom/grandma to go alongside the pictures. Companies like Shutterfly, Mixbook and blurb.com can design and assemble the project, which can be turned into a hardback book.
Another option is a digital photo album, which lets family members upload new photos throughout the year. Companies including Aura, Aluratek and Skylight make them. Batchelor's family all contribute to the one they got for her mom, and her mother is happily surprised by the new images that keep coming in.
You can also help Mom record her memories on videos and share them with family, who can respond to them. I upload videos of my mother to Facebook, where loved ones can marvel over what a character she is. She is astounded when I read back to her the thoughtful comments people write about her.
Comforting Gifts: Especially Good for Those with Memory Loss
Stuffed animals can be very soothing. Bachelor has worked with folks who cared for their dolls as if they were children. Similar products for animal lovers include mechanical dogs that come with a heartbeat or toy cats that roll over and purr. Check online for sources, or inquire at your local toy store.
Baker has seen her clients respond especially well to quilts, hand-knit sweaters, gloves, and hats to keep loved ones warm. Batchelor suggested a custom fuzzy blanket with a mom's name embossed.
Coloring books provide mental and creative stimulation, and you can join Mom for a brain-stimulating art session. This activity also reminds older moms about how much they enjoyed coloring books in their youth. Sensory experiences involving aromatherapy oils for the bath or candles in a mother's favorite scent were also high on Baker's list. She also recommended creating a playlist of favorite songs that span her many decades of listening and that can bring back happy memories.
Beauty Treatments
Gift cards to hair or nail salons and massages all offer lovely experiences. Baker calls these terrific options, as beauty treatments offer the luxury of: "Massaging their hands, that sense of touch, that sense of warmth, the human connection when they're receiving a manicure.”
Batchelor also suggested taking it a step further by booking a stay for you both — or for her and a friend at a spa, for a true wellness retreat.
I am convinced there are gifts for every older mother. Even the ones who have been trying to downsize will welcome the chance to reminisce through photos and music or to participate with family on a travel adventure or even a day trip to the arboretum. Choosing the right gift is all about responding to her interests, temperament and fitness level, and celebrating her unique personality and style.
This holiday season, I plan to compile all the stories I've written about my mom. I got my penchant for storytelling from her, and she loves to read aloud with a dramatic flair our whole family appreciates. It's a gift we can all enjoy.
Photo credits (clockwise from top left): Getty Images; Shutterstock (2); Getty Images (3); Stocksy; Courtesy Aluratek; Shutterstock (2); Getty Images
What would you add to the above list? What will you get your own mother or older relative for the holidays? Let us know in the comments below.
