Are you an older woman who is seeking connections? Would you like to make new friends? Then join our closed Facebook group, The Ethel Circle, today. You'll love it!
This will be the first year I’ll be spending the holidays without any family. My daughter, Sasha, recently got married and will be in New Zealand on her honeymoon. The holiday break was the only time she and her (new!) husband could get enough time off work for their dream trip. We have little (okay, no) immediate family left. “What will you do?” Sasha asked, looking worried. I told her I would figure something out. I then proceeded to put it on the back burner until, well, now.
I’ve had to reinvent holiday traditions many times, as so many of us have at this stage of life. When I got married, we became a mixed-religion household, celebrating Christmas and Hanukkah. We put cloves in oranges as my husband had done growing up in Germany and my mother came over with potato pancakes. When my husband died just before my daughter turned six, we kept many of the traditions, but I learned the importance of being flexible.
My husband, daughter and I had always gone to pick out a Christmas tree together and then lugged it through New York City streets, laughing the whole way. The first Christmas after he died, I spent sleepless nights worrying about how on earth Sasha and I would get the tree home without him. I was so determined to recreate exactly what we had done before that it didn’t occur to me that the Christmas tree place delivered. I would have spared myself so much anguish if I realized that while tradition is a wonderful thing, being solutions-oriented and creative can not only help ward off stress, it can lessen the chance of falling prey to holiday blues.
As years passed, I’ve learned that lesson over and over again. Just before the pandemic hit, my mother and brother died. Friends moved away. Sheesh, maybe I need to hit pause here. If you didn’t have the holiday blues before, you might after reading all that. I’m fine — really! More than fine, blessed with great friends. If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that we all must find new ways to connect, celebrate and find joy in what we have rather than lament what we don’t.
Here are five ways I’ve discovered to beat the holiday blues.
1. Don’t believe everything you see.
Despite how it might seem on social media, no one has a perfect holiday. Yes, someone else’s family may look idyllic, their gathering brilliant, their table beautifully set. You know what you don’t see? The fights that happened in the kitchen, the overcooked roast, the spilled wine or the people who couldn’t be there. After all, no one posts pictures of themselves sniffling in bed.
The first tip to avoid holiday blues is to remember the adage: Compare and despair. Don’t hold your life up to a false image of what you think it should look like. Remember, instead, to be grateful for what you do have. My habit: Count three things every night before I go to sleep, no matter how small or large, from a roof over my head to a call with a friend. Oh, and stop scrolling!
2: Don’t assume you have to do everything exactly as you used to do it.
There’s great value in traditions that make us feel connected to our past. At this age, though, many of us have gone through big changes. We’ve moved, if we have children they may have families of their own. We may have lost people we love. There is no blanket right or wrong when it comes to upholding traditions.
I’ve found being adaptable can help bridge the gap between past and present. When my daughter was born, we began collecting Christmas tree ornaments to commemorate every trip we took or big life moments. Every holiday, Sasha and I would put on Christmas music, make hot chocolate and reminisce as we hung them.
Last year, Sasha and her fiancé had moved into a new home and wanted to start their own traditions. Instead of coming to my house, they invited me to theirs. I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to get a tree and hang the old ornaments by myself. In the end, I decided not to because I realized it would make me too sad.
Instead, I went to help them decorate, finding joy in watching my daughter start a new life. Everyone has their own blues triggers. The key is to figure out yours and honor them.
3. Start new traditions.
New traditions don’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Instead of Christmas dinner at my house, my daughter and her fiancé came over for the first night of Hanukkah. Then, I invited a bunch of friends, some single, some married, some with children, to my local ice-skating rink for hot chocolate, cookies, skating for those who were able and chatting for those who preferred not to skate. We all enjoyed it so much, we vowed to make it an annual event.
It turns out I wasn’t the only one looking for a new way to celebrate, especially in an easy no fuss/no muss way.
4. Reach out to others.
It can be embarrassing to admit you are lonely/sad or even bored at a time when everyone else seems to have plans. (Refresher: See Tip #1, not everything is what it seems.) It would be a shame to miss out on the chance to connect because you don’t want to take the initiative.
That can take many forms, from inviting the people you know even casually from working out at the Y for cookies or organize a Zoom call with far-flung family and friends. One tip to make virtual celebrations more festive: Plan on having a treat or making a toast together at the same time.
5. Movement is medicine.
One of most effective way to stave off the blues is to move your body if you are able. If the weather allows, go for a walk. Better yet, call a friend and go together. Take a class at your community center or connect with the people at the organization with whom you are involved as a volunteer.
Look online for free chair yoga or other adaptable forms of movement. Not only will it take your mind of things, movement is proven in numerous studies to help fight depression. You know this, from even taking a brisk stroll in nature.
6. Go easy on yourself.
Having a down moment during the holidays can happen despite your best efforts. Instead of blaming yourself, try planning ahead. For me, that means splurging on a favorite bubble bath product, knowing that it always soothes me. It might be splurging on a favorite dessert.
And yes, this might just mean deciding to binge-watch a favorite show and not feeling guilty about it. It’s important to give yourself grace, too.
Do any of you suffer from the holiday blues? Let us know in the comments below.
Sonia Pulido
Follow Article Topics: Health
